THE LETTER
Dear friend,
If someone asked what I remember most about you it would be …I remember the time we shared, mostly kissing, kissing that was so sweet. I remember being on the phone with you and when you got ready to hang up, you had to tell me you loved me (maybe that’s what has me in this state of “I don’t know why I’m feeling this”). You were the first guy to tell me that you loved me and you gave me my first kiss. But mainly I remember that smile, yours and mine.
It was sooo innocent, but it almost wasn’t. Sneaky? Yes, but sweet. What was it about us that makes me remember it so vividly today and that was 35-13 = 22 years ago. It's strange that those memories are still there and maybe feelings also. Ever since that night I have had these “what if” thoughts, that’s probably all they’ll be is “what ifs”.
I don’t want to come between you two, there is a lot of history there. You two have grown up together and when it's that much time involved, sometimes its better to stay with what you know than to entertain past feelings for someone else. I don’t even know why I’m writing this. Maybe for me, to help me get past whatever this is that I’m feeling.
I think back to how it ended, how did it end? If I remember correctly you were ready to go to the next step and at that age and with everything that was going on I couldn’t. Just going on ifs and if we had started having sex that day that we skipped school, we would have kept on until I got pregnant. We would not be the people we are today. I think God separated us for a reason.
But why now have these feelings come back to me is what I can't understand. I don’t know the reason behind us seeing each other months ago. I would have been better had I not seen you and that smile. It did something to me, it brought back something. Maybe it's just what I am going through now that has me feeling this way. I am not trying to come between you two, that is not my intention. This letter was just to get some things off of my chest. I know that’s probably a little selfish of me to want to get something off of my chest and giving it to you and I apologize for that.
Love,
Me
P.S. My question to you is, how can you say to your sister that I was supposed to be your wife or is that like a running joke? How do you know those are the same feelings that you had from years ago? How do you know that is for me, someone else, or your wife? Maybe we both just need closure yes/no?