It's Too Hard For Her!!
It’s too hard for her!
In three months she’ll be 21. She received a call from my cell phone, but it’s not me. A call saying that her mom has passed out in her office, bumped her head and doesn’t know what’s going on. This is the beginning.
My daughter has just completed her second year of college, she wants to travel, has aspirations of being a superstar. She leaves for Tennessee for the summer and I am very good, no seizures the entire time, yaay. When she returns, I start back up. August – Seizure. October (while driving) – Seizure – and another Seizure. December (while driving) – Seizure. March – (while sleeping) Seizure – Seizure. April – Seizure. I can’t drive, I need a driver and now she is worried. She goes out of town but she is always worried. If she doesn’t hear from me, she texts, cause she’s worried. She makes her school plans for out of state but changes them because she’s worried. It has changed our relationship as mother and daughter because she’s worried. The last seizure I had she called my mom only for her to say, “Do you need me to come?” My daughter would not have called unless she needed help. She is worried. I hate the weight that’s on her, you can see it on her shoulders, she is worried. She wants to hang out with friends after work but by the time she comes home to get ready her tiredness comes on her so she says, ‘forget it.’ She makes plans of moving us, like we are a bound up package that she HAS to take wherever she goes. I hate those statements. “Ma, I like Cumming, GA, I think I will move yall there. Ma, after this school year and I graduate, I’m gonna move yall to TN.” And I quickly say, “I’ll be with my husband, so you ain’t moving me nowhere!” Her face lightens a little in hopes that this statement is true.
If I try to be upbeat about this entire situation she thinks that I don’t care or that I’m not concerned at all about my health. But I only try to make her smile a little when I know she has so much on her plate.
Here we are a year later and in the same spot. We need some relief; it’s too much for her. Sometimes I see her looking for a man for me, someone who can take some of this weight from her. I hate it for her and almost want to become a hermit so as to not bother her so much. This is almost too much.