I broke my promise and we broke up....
Me and Mr. B. Doeshus were back in love again!! When he sent the text that he was divorced (after not speaking for 3 years) I fell to my knees and said “Lord, show me how to love him this time, please, let us do this thing the right way now”. We were anxious to see each other, of course it had been three years. No phone calls, no texts, no pictures, no letters, no carrier pigeons – nada for THREE YEARS. So when we got back into it we were back into it. But wait—pump your brakes Mr. B., I have another contract with this Man and I can’t be all into it like before because I promised Him I would wait for my husband. I truly believe that you are him but I still need to wait until we are married…I need to. And we try to wait and be on our best behavior during these six months but there were a few slip ups. I remember one slip up that was so good, so sweaty, so wet, so draining that I had to ask for forgiveness before I put my clothes back on. OOOHH!!! I would have to say that was the best slip up during the whole time. I’ll never forget the look that Mr. B. gave me when he heard my apologies to Him. It was GOOD and I was sorry and I was still trembling but I was repenting. I still wanted him but I knew I needed to wait until it was Right.
The two of us met a few times more after that night and he gave me a gift. The gift was a mug with the scripture that says “Be Still” and he asked me “would you wait for me until I get some things straight? I just want to know that you will be here for me. I am trying to get a management position that will have me home every night with you. I adore you and cannot wait to be with you”. He hugged me and kissed my forehead. I’m thinking “of course I would baby-waby cause I wub you. I’ll wait because it’s you and you have always had this control of me”. Don’t get me wrong, he is not a forceful guy at all as a matter of fact he very mild spoken, he has never raised his voice to me. But anyway, he asked me to wait until he sorted some things out and I would. If I waited three years I could wait a couple of weeks or so. I was looking forward to having a relationship with him.
The weeks turned into almost four months that we had not spoken, I was giving him the space. The space he said he needed to get his mind on his class to start his business and to possibly transition from one position at work to a management position that would have him at home more. Having him home at night was something I wanted and he was willing to do so he could start this online-business. Once he told me about the online venture I was very excited, I was happy for him to have “this baby” that was his that he could work on. I loved the way he spoke about “this baby” and how he invited me into this business area with him. For him and his business, yes I gave him his space. My logic was if I give him his space now then in a few months we can come back together and live happily.
Happily – married to him, helping him with his business, us spending more time together in the Word, finding a church home together, just enjoying each other (the majority of these things we had already started to do, but we were not under a "contract"). The "contract" that we wanted God to bless when the time was right.
But who knew when we came back together at that four month marker that it would be hollering, arguing, fussing, accusing and slamming the phone down. I can’t breathe…we have never spoken to one another like this…I .. I …we broke up….
